The Dark Knight Rises

I need to remember to actually REVIEW the movies I see. It's been a long week but somehow I convinced myself that I already reviewed the dark knight rises. First off, if you haven't seen this movie, please do. It was well worth the trip to the theaters. If you've already seen this movie then stop reading here, because you've already formed your own opinion what the crap do you need mine for? FIRST, This is the third in the christopher nolan Batman movie and the end of the trilogy. So, if you're not familiar with the story here goes. Harvey Dent is dead, a law was in acted that allowed the police in gotham to crack down on organized crime. This is all based on the lie that Harvey Dent was a hero and not in fact two-face. So this allowed Batman, who is currently seen as a criminal, to go on a little break. In this time frame BRuce Wayne's knees have gotten all jacked up and he sits in a corner of his mansion not living his life. At this point, events start happening in Gotham that need batman's attention and so he's forced out of retirement. Similar to The Dark Knight Rises by Frank Miller. now my complaints, Bane's voice annoyed the shit out of me. He was raised in a South American prison and he talks like an englishmen wearing a scuba suit with a giant popsicle stick up his ass. It was really annoying. Second complaint(BIT OF A SPOILER SPOILER ALERT) would have to be the Robin character. They made up their own, which I assume is so they didn't give away early that he was in fact robin, but then at the end when they tell you his legal name it turns out to be "Robin" why is that? because if the woman at the end had said "Mr. Grayson" not everyone would've gotten it. That's seriously about it, everyone puts in great performances, the story is solid, I had no real complaints. I'm told there's a clue as to which earth this takes place on and I'm happy to report I'm not a big enough dork to remember. Either way, Now that this trilogy is over, I'd like DC Studios to do something a little more comicy for the next Batman relaunch. They won't, BUT I like my comic movies to be escapism and these are great films, but I find myself more drawn to the marvel universe because those movies are pure escapist fun.

Jack The Giant Killer

I LOVED this movie growing up. I remember getting up early saturday morning if I knew it was going to be on and watching it, or getting REALLY pissed off every time I turned on the TV only to realize I'd woken up late and missed 63% of it(exactly 63%). Like many movies in my childhood it disappeared in to complete obscurity. Looking back at it I was surprised at how much I continued to like it. Don't get me wrong it's kinda hilarious at points, but for a movie made in the 1960's I mean the special effects were every bit as good as some of Ray Harryhausen's stuff, so good I actually thought it was a Ray Harryhausen movie until just recently when I tried to find it on his IMDB page and can't seem to find any connection with him to this film. This movie is about an evil wizard, Pendragon, who wants to kidnap a princess. Why? That's what evil wizards do! They also control giants and little dwarfish men and turn vikings in to dogs. True story I saw this all happen! Either way, in his attempt to capture the princess the evil wizard pendragon releases a giant on the the castle who then captures the princess. Jack of course manages to save this princess and kill the dragon. The king gives him a knighthood, I'm sure he also bestowed lands as well as all their incomes but that's not really talked about. The king then asks a poor farmer, who kinda only luckily killed a giant, to please escort his daughter across the sea. They then fall in love, HILARITY INSUES! Of course the evil wizard manages to capture the princess, jack meets up with a viking and an annoying child and they have to go save her. In his quest he battles sea monsters, other giants, guys in armor who kinda just wobble back and forth but don't really do much else, a dragon type thing. He also gets a leprechaun who can only speak in rhyme.....it gets old quick. Like I said, this was THE movie for me growing up, this is actually the first movie I remember loving, so i was really hesitant to watch it. IF you're someone who would hate effects made before 1995, then don't watch it. They're at times hard to watch, but most of that isn't in the stop motion bits, it's more in the fact that this was a cheap cheap movie and some of the props look like they could've been purchased at wal-mart. The hardest part for me is just the rhyming fucking leprechaun! OH MY GOD! I kinda want to kill myself whenever he's on screen! apart from that if you're a fan of clash of the titans, or the sinbad movies, this is worth checking out. If you would rather have your testicles dragged across hot charcoal rather than watch those movies, well this isn't for you.

New Scissor Sisters Album! Magic Hour

Since we got this new blogger layout BS my blog is being a complete ass, If anyone knows how to solve some simple formatting issues with their blogs please let me know. THAT BEING SAID! When I heard the scissor sisters were coming out with a new album, I dusted off my sparkly purple shirt, leather pants and prepared to dance! Then I promptly forgot it was coming out! Yes, I know I'm a wonderful fan! Shut up, I'm a busy guy and if you're going to keep judging me then maybe you should just go away. SO, I finally purchased said album. While yes, I generally say this is a horror movie blog it's really just a "Media that I'm in to" blog. I mean I've covered the thundercats TV show for christ sake. Every now and again a band that gets me really excited, I just like to review their album. So, First off I started listening to the Scissor Sisters slightly before their second album was released, I liked it ok, I mean it wasn't great but it was a lot of fun. Their second album was released and I couldn't wait for a third! That album pretty much defined a lot of the music I listened to for the next couple years. When their third album was finally released I was just as pleased, the songs were memorable, catchy, bouncy and just good good fun. So, naturally they had a lot to live up to when they released their fourth album, and while for any other band in the world, this is a wonderful and fun album. The problem for me is i've come to expect too much from the scissor sisters, and so for me, this album was a bit of a disappointment. ok going through it song by song Baby Come Home one of the singles and definitely sounds like it. Also isn't this video cool? I also like that more of the band got involved with this video. Regardless, this song probably is the most "singy" track. As a result I like it, I do feel overall he tends to do a bit to much of his falsetto voice. Keep your shoes on Not my favorite track, but this is where it starts to get a little more falsetto, not that there's anything wrong with that, but like I said it seems a bit over done. Not much of a beat not very dancey. Why do I listen to the sisters? because I want to dance motherfucker! Inevitable One of my favorite tracks. You get a real sense of Jack's vocal range, the keyboard part is nice, it's still not dancey but it has more of the qualities that I look for in scissor sister songs. Only the Horses I feel like this song kinda shows the most growth as a band, Jack really uses his voice, the keyboards are a lot of fun, I don't feel like it's a watered down version of another track from a better album. Very happy with this one. Year of Living Dangerously Best Chorus, problem? I don't remember ANYTHING ELSE from this song. I actually had to re-listen (after listening to this album 3 times today to make sure I didn't make any jumpy opinions) I almost forgot it even existed! It's good, and it's really nice, the chorus, like i said is great! but obviously the rest of the song isn't that memorable. Let's have Kiki Least favorite. I actually wanted to skip it every time I listened to it. I'll probably love it next year some time but it's just a repetitive mess, and not in like the good repetitive mess type way. Shady Love Ton of fun, really hard to sing along to. This is a good type of repetitive, enough to keep me listening, hooks to make me remember, loved it. San Luis Obispo Very little current opinion. I liked it because it showed a lot of growth there is nothing like this on any of their other albums. Wasn't entirely sure it fit the album, but so it can be jarring listening to Shady love and then this more acousticy ballad, but still. Self Control Couldn't find a video so here's an asian man covering Only The Horses on his piano. Which I really enjoy............really pretty on piano. Best in Me I couldn't find a video for this either. So here's a creepy guy singing it.......This is one of my favorites, not when this guy sings it. Also I can't find the other two. Somewhere I really enjoyed, and the secret life of letters kinda lost me. F*** yeah, while only on the deluxe edition was one of my favorites. don't expect a rehash of what you got before, and you'll be happy, but don't expect as much dancey fun either it's a lot slower this time around. Which is a sign of maturing and aging by the band, and I don't have a problem with it but I feel like they still want the sound from album 3 so this particular album comes off just eh, caught between. It's worth it, but there is just something missing for me at least.

Brave

Pixar is probably the best company in hollywood. They've made some of the greatest kids movies of all time, but when they announced that they were releasing Cars 2 I was hesitant, I still haven't seen it I heard it's terrible and, if true, it breaks their incredible streak of not just great kids movies, but great films. So, brave made me a little hesitant. Would they find that magic again, or did cars 2 mark the end of a generation of films made by pixar that pressed the boundaries of children's film making and really challenged their audience? The movie is set in Scotland, and is about a young red haired girl. This young red haired girl, Merida, doesn't want to be a princess. She would rather just ride her horse and shoot her bow and be a bit of a tomboy. Her mother doesn't like that, she wants Merida to get married to a husband who wins her hand at a tournament, to be held relatively soon in the film. Now, Merida is allowed to choose the contest for the tournament that is used to determine who will be marrying her. She picks archery, and then decides to shoot for her own hand. She wins, this could cause the potential break out of war between the clans of her people. So, to solve these problems she turns her mom in to a bear......I'm sure those were related somehow. This is one of the prettier pixar movies, the animation is absolutely beautiful and one thing pixar has never done wrong is make their films great eye candy for the big dorks coming to see them. The settings are all really nice despite taking place mostly in the surrounding area of Merida's castle. The 3 siblings of Merida's don't have a single speaking line, which is good. Sidekicks who talk to much end up really annoying. The cast gives a really good performance and the message which is essentially about the importance of listening to your loved ones, is solid and memorable. So, what problems did I have with it? It was good I really enjoyed it, but I took a girl who had recently lost her mother. By the end we were blubbering very loudly. I also don't feel it's as great as Wall-E or Up, but certainly not a blemish on their record. Those are difficult movies to follow. I'd have to say my biggest complaint was the woman 4 seats down from me. You would think she had never seen a movie as funny in her ENTIRE LIFE! Even the smallest most insignificant joke was met with HUGE belly laughter from this woman. The 3 siblings steal pastries like 3 times and absolutely every time was met with "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA" and not to mention the over exasperated Gasps EVERY time she realized that the movie was going to try and move the plot forward. I've been told it's really easy to be an idiot, I should've asked her. End of story, if it was fun and enjoyable. see it if you've got the time it was well worth the money.

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

There are very few times in my life where you can tell me that it's a bad idea to put Abraham Lincoln in to situations that he's not normally associated with and I won't find it funny. Abraham Lincoln Pilates, Abraham Lincoln Girls Gone Wild, So when a bunch of stoned teenagers somehow got the power to make a movie, and decided to do an adaptation of the novel "Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter" I was genuinely excited to see it. Don't get me wrong I expected it to be unwatchable, but I also expected to have fun, only one of these things happened, and I'll let you know I did not have fun. First off, the book. For what it's worth I hear it's a rather boring read, and a fairly informative biography of abraham lincoln....with vampires thrown in. The movie is pretty similar, it's essentially Abraham Lincoln's life, just throw in a vengeance plot and some other vampires. So, I'm not gonna go to deep in to the plot. As a boy Abraham Lincoln got in a fight with a vampire slave owner, that owner killed his mother, he in turn wants revenge. So Where does this movie go wrong? Well, first off the vampires, they explain SOME lore in this. They're allergic to silver and they can't kill each other. AWESOME! Can they go out in sunlight? cause they do quite often, but then again they always seem to be lurking at night? I guess it's easier to kill at night but this point was never cleared up. IN fact the only things they ever bothered to talk about was the silver and vampires lack of ability to kill each other. This isn't a huge deal but they apparently had some sort of vampire hierarchy and were heavy in the slave trade using the slaves as food. Barely touched on at all, I guess I'm just supposed to assume that this is what's happening. Also, BTW this is a movie that very clearly spelt out everything for the audience. I mean they left a bullet in one vampires eye I can only assume to make sure the audience knew who he was. Abraham shoots a vampire in the eye, his eye is apparently made of steel and it stops the bullet right at the end of the eyelid and he just walks around with that there the whole time. Can't go get a wood eye or something? glass? us a patch to cover up the empty socket that the bullet, which you could easily dislodge with your fingers, has apparently slightly damaged? But yet I can't get a simple explanation on the weaknesses of these vampires apart from silver and apparently axe twirling? Complaint number two, Mary Elizabeth Winstead was in this. This isn't normally a complaint, I've had a sick crush on this girl since Sky high(sick because she was playing a senior, she was like 23 it just seemed strange people) I personally think she's not a terrible actress, but this was a terrible performance, that being said no one could've done a good job at this, the script is awful. Then turn it down Mary. Also since I get more hits when I include pictures of women looking sexy, I choose to include I picture of the lovely Mary Elizabeth Winstead. I love you Mary. I know I write a blog but I swear I'm slightly less creeepy than the normal media obsessed men who criticize films on the interwebs......love me. Moving on, The Vampire Party! There's a party for vampires. It kinda makes sense, but no matter how much I talked about it I couldn't bring myself to find any actual logic to this. OK, SO Abraham is killing vampires, they don't like it, so they steal his best friend. When they steal his best friend he takes a riverboat to New Orleans with his friend Speed. Here is where the movie really started to make me angry. At a certain point Speed proclaims "Abe is there nothing we can't do?" or some bullshit like that. They have literally done nothing. Abe works in his store, he's the stock boy there that's about all they've done together. Speed brought him to a party, not the vampire party a different party, also thrown apparently for no reason. So, he obviously should be believe him and Abe can take on an army of undead? because...they went to an upscale ball.....together....once? Moving on, they get there and the vampires are having a party, they invited all the slaves, the slaves are going to be eaten including Abe's friend will, who's actually not a slave I guess they just wanted the guests to have something to eat? They even sent him an invitation, like it's worked up as this big trap, all it really is? wasted time! essentially he could've just gone down there, ran in to the vampires, asked for his friend back and left. just as suspenseful. This is getting long and I'm definitely rambling, but rarely do I say "This is a waste of time and money" even this had some fun moments, but waste of time and money, wasn't even something I'd recommend to go see for fun stoned. It's that bad I don't believe illegal substances can save this movie.

Prometheus

Prometheus is a movie....... I've spent a lot of time working up a better opening than that and I just can't do it so I'm starting with that. First, let me say I enjoyed this. It was fun, the world was really well constructed, there are some good performances, and there were a lot of good scares I even jumped once. So in saying that, why was this billed as a prequel to Aliens? Where Alien was a fun simple story about an alien killing people, this was a little complex and I feel like it just was too big for its britches. The story is about a spaceship going to find the creators of man. Apparently all over the world these "Scientists" have found star maps leading back to a moon, this moon has the ability to support life, so they assume that the creators of man live there and that set off on a 4 year mission with a bunch of other scientists. On this planet they quickly find straight lines and decide this is where the creators are, because "god doesn't create in straight lines." This is where the movie started to piss me off. They're rare, but they happen, more often in space and in vacuums BUT this is an alien planet who knows how everything works, it's a pretty big assumption to make. This is where the big assumptions start too. There's a point where the doctors all take off their helmets, on an alien planet.....they're scientists, not ONE of them says "hey maybe we should be worried about alien microbes, or possible fungi that could be airborne." they're JUST concerned about whether the air is breathable after that they're cool. LATER however, after one of them gets sick it's all they talk about! Then there's the biologist. First off, the scientists in this movie are VERY general, and maybe the corporation sponsoring this mission WANTED general scientists, but there's specifically a geologist and a biologist. What type of geology? Alien planet geology? he says he likes rocks, so I assume he's a rock geologist but then why does he have equipment for cave spelunking? Then there's the biologist, Molecular? zoology? Agricultural? Botany? Microbiology? if he's at any point in his life studied living organisms, then why was he so eager to pet an unknown alien life form? again, having no clue what this thing was why was he so eager to pet it? This can go on for days. I like to think I can technically be classified as a scientist, I do research and am pursuing a degree in science, so while I can totally suspend my beliefs for acid blood alien lifeforms, it's really difficult to believe that any of these people made it through any type of post education program. All my complaints though, are little shit like that. I'd also say they didn't give you a good idea of how the aliens worked, but did that stuff need to be explained? Not really, why? in the end it'd just be pointless exposition. Just because it's something I would like to know doesn't mean it's something I need to know. Micheal Fassenbender and Noomi Repace both gave very solid preformances, it was fun, the end needed more work but it was still fun, and the special effects were really good. Going to see it wouldn't be a waste of time or money, just don't get your hopes up for the world's greatest film and try not to go in expecting Alien the prequel I think the movie would've been better left without that expectation placed on it.

Things that bugged me about "Jaws"

First, let me saw "Jaws" is one of my favorite movies of all time. There have always been a few things that just kind of rubbed me the wrong way. This weekend I had a chance to examine them when my scratched copy of the DVD kept going back to different spots and since I was to lazy to get up and turn it off or try and fix the DVD I watched these same spots over and over and over and over and over again. So I'm nice and pumped for this! There are really only two things that have ever bugged me, 1st is Mayor Larry Vaughn and his insistence that someone go in to the water on weekend where everything goes to hell and Jaws almost kills Chief Brody's kid. Why does this bug me? For the mayor his whole motivation is money for the town, so you've already got the tourists to the island. It's an island your audience is completely captive, what difference does it make if they go swimming or not? I do get the idea that some of these people may take another trip later and may decide to not come back as a result of not wanting to get eaten by a shark. The last thing he should want though is another incident, you've had two big ones, and it'd be a good idea to keep any future incidents to a minimum. This legitimately ruined the rest of the summer and probably put most of the population on welfare for the winter. Speaking of which, my idea for Jaws 2 would've had no shark in it at all! it would've been the population of Amity Island dealing with the poverty brought on by the loss of the summer income. The second thing that really bugged me was always just this quote from Mrs. Kintner. "I just found out, that a girl got killed here last week, and you knew it! You knew there was a shark out there! You knew it was dangerous! But you let people go swimming anyway? You knew all those things! But still my boy is dead now. And there's nothing you can do about it. My boy is dead. I wanted you to know that." Lady, your boy was swimming in THE FUCKING OCEAN! he had probably been swimming with sharks every fricking time he went in to the ocean and never even knew it! I get that she was sad and kind of looking for someone to blame and people didn't understand the nature of sharks and that they tend to not stay in the same place for long but end of story your kid went in to the ocean, he has been swimming with sharks plenty by that point. The greatest travesty in this movie is that Mrs. Kintner wasn't fed to the shark at some point.