Sunday, July 17, 2011

Children of the Corn Revelation

My tolerance for a movie is directly correlated to how shitty it is. Now when I say shitty, I'm not saying "I don't like sitting through bad movies" BAD movies can be oh so good, I'm referring to the downright shiftiness of the film, if you have something I can laugh about, or if you have something to entertain me then I'm interested. So I've decided to come up with a scale so I can effectively sum up the shiftiness of the movie with simply a picture.

R1 - Highest Ranking, sat through the whole thing See "The Room" "Troll 2" Any of the Breakin' movies on the good things see super 8 or Insidious.
R2 - Held my attention with about 40 minutes left when I'd rather be eating something. See Thor, Salem's Lot, Return of the Living Dead.
R3 lost me about the half way point see Sharktopus, Megashark vs Giant Octopus, The crocosaurus movie, etc etc etc. This is where most movies fall for me.
R4 - Lost me before it began, see Sucker Punch Red Riding Hood that horrible unrest movie, and plenty others.
R5 - Children of the Corn Revelation.

Yes that's right this movie gets my absolute WORST ranking of any movie. I thought there might be something in it to keep me watching when a guy with night vision googles and a pistol showed up, but even he couldn't save this movie.

The first Children of the Corn movie isn't a bad film, it's got creepy kids, it's got an interesting story, all and all it'd hit an R3 worth the watch but don't expect to be blown away(I think I haven't seen it since I was younger) but like every horror movie they made sequels and sequels are never good for horror movies. Paranormal Activity 2 did an ok job of creating a sequel, I hear some of the saws are ok never seen them but the problem is once you've told a story intending to scare people how do you recreate the same thing and still intend for it to scare them? For argument sake, let's say they made an Insidious 2, what would you do? Do you follow the family?


You know the family who's father is now possessed by the ghost of an old woman?


do you just pretend that never happened? do you tell a new story with new characters? if so how do you make it original? Hell why make it original? it's cheaper to just take the same script dice it up a bit add in a couple small changes and BAM! New movie. This is basically what Chirldren of the Corn 18: Revelations did, it's the quest of a woman to find her grandma who apparently lives in a condemned building by a corn field and has been abducted by creepy ghost children. The original is about a young couple who needs to go to a town to report a murder and get captured by live children. OK so it's not THAT similar but all they did was change the protagonist and change what the children of the corn actually are. SO WHY EVEN ASSOCIATE IT? it doesn't carry the story forward, it doesn't have anything to do with any from the other films. THE ONLY REASON IT HAS CHILDREN OF CORN IN IT IS BECAUSE IT TAKES PLACE BY A CORN FIELD SO THE KIDS HAVE CORN POWER! Seriously they can make corn bleed which really creeps people out when they're trying to eat corn.(corn kinda creeps me out anyways....shut up) to give you an idea about how bored I was during this, I started looking for excuses to DO HOMEWORK, decided to look into what happened with that BackStreet Boys reunion tour, and started to think of how much better this movie would be if Hannah Montana had returned home only to end up HERE! Yes that right, I was more interested in what's going on with TEEN POP STARS than I was in this woman's grandma.


Jim said...

Corn freaks me out too. Why does it survive the digestive process??? Why is its syrup high in fructose??? We'll never know.

Resmo112 said...

Corn is obviously the most judgmental of all the........ grains? it thinks it's so much better than you and it sits around on it's little cob talking to all it's little friends saying "hey I'm so much better than Kent" well fuck you corn! that's right! I said it