Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Rob Zombie!

Ok, so I've taken two years and a lot of people telling me it's actually good, but I finally watched Rob Zombies remake of Halloween, JUST IN TIME FOR THE SEQUEL OF THE RE IMAGINING OF THE JOHN CARPENTER ORIGINAL to come out..........anyone understand that? This is largely going to be comparing and contrasting the two movies and won't touch on the sequels at all.

Ok, so introductions. The first movie opens up and we've got little boy stabbing his hot sister then sitting on the porch, the whole thing takes like 5 minutes. In the Rob Zombie version, we have a little boy who wears masks a lot apparently, his drunken deadbeat and apparently crippled father who's a complete asshole, his stripper mother, his slut of an older sister, and finally his baby sister. We go through Micheal Myers killing a rat, killing a bully who's been beating him up, then finally killing his entire white trash family minus the stripper mother, I guess this is supposed to make you feel for the people who are dying, but you really can't help but think the world is better off without them. Micheal essentially kept the older sister from being raped by the crippled drunken father, which ultimately would've ended up with her pregnant and she would've had the baby ultimately since abortions are legal and in the 70's (I assume it's the 70's judging by the music played during this scene) abortions we're very risky, didn't you see Dirty Dancing? ummmmmm moving on, the older daughter would've killed herself slightly after the child was born, and ultimately the two younger girls would've grown up, been raped by the same father, had babies by that man..........it's really a vicious circle really Micheal was just cutting out the middle man. Either way this paragraph is getting LONG, but then Micheal is committed, he spends a lot of time with Dr. Samuel Loomis, who insists on telling the kid how his favorite color, which is black, isn't really color at all. You see black is the ABSENCE of all color, the color spectrum goes from white which is all colors all the way to black which is no color at all. Later in the movie Dr. Loomis tells us that Micheal's eyes are black, they have NO COLOR, way to get your point across Rob! during this time in the mental institution Micheal makes friends......kinda, with a mexican janitor played by that guy who's in like every movie, Danny Trejo. For those of you who don't know who that is, here's a link to his IMDB page
This has him in 175 total movies, including 14 coming out in THE NEXT TWO YEARS!!!!! I haven't even WATCHED 14 movies in 2 years! either way my point is this is long and it just KEEPS GOING, it also tells us a bunch of stuff that I didn't want to know, and it doesn't make the movie scarier. I prefer thinking Micheal is just any kid in middle America and just one day he goes psycho and offs his hot sister and her boyfriend.

OK NEXT, Jamie Lee Curtis played Laurie Stroud in the original, and ultimately she's a good responsible teenager. Her friends are all sluts, and at one point she smoke some marijuana, but still she's smart, does her homework, and lets her other friends ditch their little sisters on her so they can have sex with their boyfriends and be knifed. Laurie Stroud i the new one is Micheal's sister, I remember Laurie being Micheal's sister I don't think they actually introduce it until part two, it MAY have happened in the deleted scenes that they have for the TV version but it's not mentioned in the original. I never liked Laurie being Micheal's sister in the first place, I think random girl being stalked is scarier, just the idea that this can happen to anyone blah blah blah, is scarier than watch out if you're related to a psycho and you don't know it and HIS EYES ARE BLACK, IT'S THE ABSENCE OF ALL COLOR he may try to hurt you later in life.

This brings me to my ultimate complaint about the Rob Zombie version. Laurie's friends, in the original Laurie's friends are annoying, they all die, the world is a better place. Within 2 minutes of when Laurie's friends are introduced in the Rob Zombie version, so like 147 minutes after it starts, I want Laurie and all of her friends dead! they are PAINFUL to listen to. No distinct personalities, they all act exactly the same, Laurie sexually pleasures a bagel with a banana to annoy her mother. I guess they're teenagers and teenagers are supposed to act like that? I certainly tried to make my mom uncomfortable by demonstrating sexual acts on fruit and baked goods. Laurie's friends are annoying in the original, but I didn't find myself cheering when they died.

Rob Zombie didn't do a horrible job, the original is better and holds up nicely considering it's thirty years old. The fail in the new one comes with to much character development where it wasn't needed, to little where it was needed, and to many statements of meaning behind the movie. I'd like Rob Zombie to make more movies, I've heard he has some quality flicks and ultimately he's a young director who is more of an enthusiast rather than a student but it doesn't mean he can't get better. Just for the love of GOD Zombie don't write female characters anymore PLEASE!!!!!

(Remember this is pretty much just a stream of consciousness, no editing, planning, or anything that generally makes writing good went into this, I just got bored.)

No comments: