Friday, March 25, 2011
The Thing Remake?
If you held a gun to my head and told me that if I didn't tell you what my favorite movie was in 20 seconds or less you'd shoot me, chances are you'd have shot me before you finished your little spiel about how you were going to shoot unless I told you what my favorite movie was. And if that's the case then we'd never know. If by chance I happened to blurt out something in time to save my sorry ass, There's about a 30-40% chance I'd say "the Thing" and then you'd ask me the original or the remake and hopefully give me an additional 20 seconds, And I would respond with "I guess I should've initially said John Carpenter's 'The Thing' but you didn't exactly give me a lot of time did you?" and I'd be right and then you'd probably shoot me for being a pain in the ass. Well When I heard they were doing a remake, and when I realized that the most viewed posts on my blog are my Jaws Remake post, and since I fear trying new things I figure I mine as well start up with "The Thing" remake. First off Casting.
So as far as I'm concerned you need 3 people for this and three people only. RJ MacReady(Kurt Russell), Wilford Brimley(Dr. Blair) and Childs (Keith David). Keith David isn't exceptionally important but he is the Voice of Goliath, and really can you have a thing without the voice of Goliath? The answer is yes, but I for one don't want to know a world where the voice of Goliath isn't included in a remake of the thing.
first let's cover Childs, Played by Keith David who as a younger man looked seriously almost EXACTLY LIKE Mehki Phifer from like all of Brandy's videos and also other things, like "I still know what you did last summer" ....with brandy? although I've been told he's fat now, but so is Keith David, also Keith David would have to voice him so really he's just there to kinda look like Keith David when he was younger and Keith David can still voice him, just don't tell Mehki Phifer. Is Brandy still famous btw? like do the young people still talk about her?
Dr. Blair- you need someone who is instantly likable and sympathetic, preferably doughy, the kind of guy who could sell you oatmeal or life insurance. Personally I'm going with this Angry cat.
just imagine him saying (Apparently I forgot to put something here and am just realizing I didn't finish this sentence.)
RJ MacReady- Helicopter pilot, wears awesome hats, needs to be tough, and a take charge attitude, headstrong among other things. this one's tough because there are no actors that look that similar to him and there are no household pets that look like him. If Jim Morrison wasn't dead that wouldn't be bad, or Jesus, Jesus would probably make a good MacReady but then he'd start turning water in to wine or making people drink his blood and all of a sudden the cast is all drunk or Vampires. I'm currently looking at you Russell Brand, just because you also kinda look like Jesus and Mac needs to look kinda like Jesus.
Now Plot, The original movie starts off with a space ship flying towards earth, BULLSHIT! we start off on the Alien Homeworld. Where one Alien is telling another he wants him to go to earth and take over a major metropolitan area, preferably New York or Los Angeles, chicago, but the Spaceship is hit by an asteroid or something and redirects the flight to Antarctica. His boss finds out about this and tells him to quickly infest the body of the closest civilization and the use their bodies to take over a major metropolitan area or ELSE! probably throw something in about wanting to please his father who was constantly conquering major metropolitan areas. Although the thing was Asexual...so who he's really trying to please is HIMSELF! DEEP!
While I hope they never remake "Jaws" no matter how much I protest "The Thing" is already in the process of being remade. Which means they're remaking a remake....it's a reremake!