Monday, March 28, 2011
like really really bad. It's not the worst movie I've ever seen, in fact I'd say "Little Red Riding Hood" was worse, so not only is it not the worst movie I've ever seen, it's not even the worst movie I've seen in theaters in the MONTH OF MARCH! That being said the fact that I paid money to see a movie with girls in corsets fighting orcs AND FEEL LIKE I DIDN'T GET MY MONEY WORTH says a lot about how bad this movie is. It's a very very pretty movie, and I don't mean like there's girls in corsets as far as stylistically the movie had a lot of fun and interesting visuals. This movie also makes me feel a little betrayed, mainly because I defend Zack Synder as a good director and he made a movie SO BORING THAT GIRLS IN CORSETS COULDN'T HOLD MY INTEREST!?!?!?!?!
The movie starts off and basically you get 2 minutes of slow motion. Emily Browning's nameless character's mom dies, which means her step father is all hot and bothered to rape her and her little sister, so he drops her ass in some sort of insane asylum/brothel. You know the kind they used to have all over the place in the vague time period this movie takes place in. So Brothsylum has a dance instructor and she finds that Emily Browning can really cut a rug. Every time rugs are cut she retreats in to her own special world with robots and monsters. In her first little fantasy she's told she needs some items to escape, to collect these items she dances while other people steal them.....I'm not lying when I say that's awesome, she arrives at some mental home and then tells a bunch of girls to take ALL THE RISK to help her get out of there! Regardless, that's pretty much it. So problems with the movie.
First, since EVERYTHING takes place inside her mind, I didn't feel any real danger to any of the characters, now that's not to say no one gets hurt, but I haven't seen more ridiculous action, 5 girls taking on hordes of nazi's and not even a scratch? really? also, as boring as those scenes were the "real world" scenes were doubly so. If the fantasy scenes were comparable to sticking a tac hammer up your nose, the real world scenes were like ripping it out. boring, got it? got it!
Secondly, the characters were completely meaningless, and interchangeable you could've taken any one of the girls made them the main character and no one would've noticed. three days after seeing this movie, I can't tell you a single character's name except for vanessa hudgens was named blondie and the only reason I know that is because I googled sucker punch grabbed that picture up top and that's what it says at the bottom.
Finally, Zack Synder I've always said gets a bad rap, his movies aren't bad they're just a little irritating because he LOVES the slowmo and the stories aren't ever anything special but he can tell a good character driven story. Basically if I defend you dude, don't let me down to THIS DEGREE! I mean crap I'd rather watch the Ultimate warrior wax his car then see this movie again.
I could go into a longer rant but it's not worth it, this movie is bad and don't waste your time.