Sunday, May 15, 2011

Ninja Assassin!

First, I'd like to talk about what a perfect title this is! The only way to make it better is to add something like bears or monkeys. Who wouldn't go see "Ninja Assassin Vs Monkeys" or "Bear Ninja Assassin?" Oh how about "Bear Ninja Assassin vs. The Taco Monkey" now THAT'S a movie. either way I didn't expect much, and was kinda pleasantly surprised, don't get me wrong the movie was still bad, but it wasn't PAINFUL which is a step up from most of the movies I watch.

The movie revolves around a Europol agent, the info on comcast says she's a "sexy" Europol agent, but she looks like Michelle Obama. Which is fine, Michelle Obama isn't an ugly woman, but I don't even think Barack Obama would call her "Sexy" either way so she works for Europol and is studying ninjas because Europol needs to keep an eye out for ninjas. Her boss thinks it's silly but she convinces him otherwise when she shows him that people have apparently been paying 100 pounds of gold to people for YEARS! to kill someone! that's awesome! for only 100 pounds of gold you can buy a ninja to kill your enemies! that's a deal if I've ever seen one! This part of the story is seriously not important, it's just a reason to give the hero someone to fight, so on to the ninja and his assassinations. So Raizo is a ninja and he left his clan and now they're all hunting him, Have you seen the original Highlander? That's pretty much it, you have a guy who falls in love girl dies and everyone is after his head, then he meets an agent who falls in love with him and then she helps him beat an evil man with magic powers. So there's not much to it, just magic ninja assassins fighting other magic ninja assassins. WHAT PART OF THIS ISN'T AWESOME! apart from Michelle Obama?

Summing up the movie the action is mundane in the beginning because it's most taking place in shadows or in a spot light you can't see much, but later in the movie it is actually a lot of fun, there's still to much slowmo the plot is just stupid but if you're looking for some silly escapist fun, why not check it out. AGAIN, it's BAD but it's not unwatchable.


Jim said...

I think I agree with everything you said. The dialogue is pretty amazingly bad, sometimes so bad that I think it might have been tongue in cheek.

I thought it was pretty fun at times, I liked the sequence where he fights an army of ninjas in moving traffic.

Definitely too much slow motion, and another peeve of mine is CGI blood. I like my blood liquid, thank you very much.

Resmo112 said...

Damn it i forgot the CGI blood, i was actually impressed that it was even enjoyable at all really. I mean it was a movie called ninja assassin. The thing about liquid blood vs CGI blood, is there's not much price difference it's just easier to do CGI blood so it's just the director being lazy!