Sunday, August 21, 2011
When making a Conan the Barbarian movie, one thing is absolutely required, Conan needs to punch a camel. So if I had a huge complaint about the new Conan O'Barbarian movie it's that he does not punch a camel. He hits a horse in the face with a chain at one point, and that's a pretty good substitute, I mean it's harming a domesticated animal in a way that's not typical for a man to harm a domesticated animal..... but it's not in retribution for spitting at him. Which is the most important part really.
So anyways this movie starts off with a woman getting stabbed, she's pregnant. Her husband, played by Ron Perlman removes the baby from her stomach so she can look upon her child before she dies. Either way so now motherless, Conan grows up filled with rage, at a young age he earns the right to train with his tribes warriors and excels. He makes a sword and his father won't let him use it because he won't put his rage away or something it's not really important. I kinda thought he was gonna have to learn to control his anger or something but he doesn't this is completely pointless really. Then a guy shows up looking for a piece of bone to make a mask to bring his wife back to life. He kills Conan's dad and now conan must roam the world looking for the man who killed his father. It's pretty standard there's no twists there's really nothing for Conan to overcome That being said Jason Momoa has incredible abs..........I really fucking wish I had his abs they're INCREDIBLE! Also it was fun. Generally, I'd say it's not very good, Rose Mcgowan is in it and she's horrible, Jason Momoa is better in Game of Thrones, no one in their right mind would EVER believe he's related to Ron Perlman and the love story is completely glossed over. If I had to compare it to something similar I'd say it's reminded me a lot of Clash of the Titans. Now if anyone actually reads these, Clash of the Titans is my movie that pissed me off the most, bad CGI, nothing made sense, I'd say that was the worst movie I've ever watched. Conan is not that bad, but it was a remake to an original that's kinda beloved by me, and they didn't really take much from the original. I did feel like Conan was smarter in this than the other movie, where my main complaint with Clash was I felt like they tried so hard to make Percy bad ass. Totally a tangent and need to refocus.
If you're a fan of fantasy or sword and sorcery flicks, you might enjoy it, it's worth a rental if you're a fan of the original.
I didn't see it in 3d but I will say there are a lot of shots that kinda are only there for the point of having something point directly at the camera and those have always been and will always be annoying.