Untouchable Film Remakes

So let's imagine for a second you're in charge of a studio in Hollywood. You get to pick ANY film franchise to remake as your own. The only catch is you can't pick one that's been remade in the last let's say 10 years. Since that's when this remake phase really hit high gear. Well the only films really left are what most people would call "untouchable" I mean really what's left? Ghostbusters? The Secret of Nimh? Back to the Future? wait a minute? Back to the Future hasn't been remade yet has it? ALRIGHT! A quick google search says that there are only 8 different directors trying to acquire the rights to the film in order to remake it. I'm not joking they're actually talking about making another Back to the Future! WHY!?!?!?! just remake Citizen Kane already! SO, before someone buys up the rights and hires some no name internet hack to write a shitty script and pays them way to much for a script that seems like it could've been written by a 5 year old. I want to put up a potential idea for a remake, SO if by chance a hollywood director reads this he may hire myself and my 5 year old niece to write this shit! I'd have to actually get her to watch Back to the Future though.....annnd it may have the same effect it had on me, you know calling your father a bastard afterwards and all. It happens, it's adorable, but not when you're 30 and for some reason I can't kick the habit. BUT it might pay for her college! and then my brother would have to thank me! I mean I paid for his daughter's college by exploiting her superior storytelling ability........weren't we supposed to be talking about something else? oh yeah remaking Back to the Future!

Ok, so plot. originally Marty Mcfly is traveling back in time to escape terrorists, he then accidentally gets his mother to fall in love with him and almost erases his whole family, at which point he needs to save his older brother and sister from slowly disappearing from a picture by getting their mother and father to fall in love with each other. My plan? Marty McFly goes FORWARD in time in order to prevent my script for this movie from being purchased! Marty McFly and his quest to preserve his legacy! Trust me this would be a seller!

So who plays who? Quite frankly I don't know! is there anyone in the world as lovable as Michael J. Fox? Could you find one person even half as lovable? I honestly Googled "who's more lovable than Michael J Fox" and found a forum discussing Michael J. fox or a teddy bear? So I'm left with one option! A teddy bear is going to be my best bet.

Dr. Brown, who gets his role? Well the obvious choice would be Christopher lloyd, since he kinda looks exactly the same and I'm sure he'd LOVE to reprise the role. BUT that defeats the purpose of doing this. I actually thought long and hard about this and who I'd like to see play Doc. Brown is Bryan Cranston from "Breaking Bad" and "Malcolm in the Middle" I don't exactly know why, but I think he can pull of crazy and lovable but do it differently from Christopher Lloyd's original depiction.

Lorraine Baines - This was my easiest cast. Rashida Jones. She was in the office, the muppets, our idiot brother. End of story she's DEAD sexy but can pull off the girl next door look. Have I mentioned how dead sexy she can be? no? let me post a reminder!

ummmmm any further questions?

George McFly- This and Biff i'm struggling with. I'd kinda like Michael Cera in this role but I'm not sure if he can pull off a 40 year old man he just looks to young. I kinda wanted Steve Carrell, but I doubt he could pull off an 18 year old teenager. Michael Cera owns the Awkward teen role and so for all intents and purposes this is who I'm casting. I'll worry about old Michael Cera later.

Biff?!?!?! before I continue this did anyone know Billy Zane played a charter named Match in Back to the future? BACK TO BIFF Sascha Baron Cohen I mean why not right?

Jennifer Packer - going with Emma Stone for simple hotness factor.

Mr. Strickland - Christopher Walken.

Now granted in this remake, none of these characters exist because the fictious character goes to the future to prevent the movie he made in the past from being remade. I guess the twist is the guy who plays Marty gets cast as Marty! then As their filming the movie he begins to sabotage it all hell breaks lose and Billy Zane still stuck in the role of Match is trying to get him back to the past! Billy Zane, you help me get this made I promise you a role!

Happy April Fool's BTW(the joke is Billy Zane you'll never get a role in my movie!)

The Death of Resmo

Ok, my dad always says you have 3 big moments in your life, you're born, you get married, and you die and you're only around for one of them. Now I obviously can't control or change how I was born. There are stories about how I was born and let's just say, my introduction to certain members of my family was memorable to say the least. Unfortunately for most men women tend to be the ones who have the dream wedding. So that means, as a guy you really only get 1 big moment all to yourself, your funeral. SO, I want to make sure everyone knows exactly how I want my funeral to go, you know since I won't be there, at least I hope I won't?

Initially, I wanted the service to be done by The Macho Man Randy Savage, unfortunately for him...I guess, I outlived Randy Savage. So back to the drawing board on who does the service. The obvious choice is Mr. T, but is that too obvious? ok well moving on.

No one at my funeral is allowed to cry, which is why armed guards will be posted at any door and throwing out people who cry. Should probably have one scare the crap outta the first person looking to cry, you know tackle them, pull out their gun scream a lot etc etc. which brings me to my next point.

My playlist. It's important to me that the music at my funeral is upbeat and fun.
Frank Turner- Long Live the Queen
Song about partying in honor of your dead friend. kinda speaks for it's self

Frank Turner - To Take You Home
Just think it's pretty

Alestorm - Captain Morgan's Revenge
I potentially will die from a pirate curse, so this one only makes sense.

AleStorm - Pirate Song
Don't regret your life! CELEBRATE IT!

Flogging Molly- If I ever leave this world alive
it's called if I ever leave this world alive? Do you need more explanation?

Bill Withers- Lovely Day
It's gonna be a lovely day! more to do with wanting people to celebrate my life, than mourn my death

Electric Six - The Future is in the Future
because when I think "How do I want people to remember me?" I think I'd like to be remembered as someone who loved Karaoke and dancing, what?

George Michael - Careless Whispers
if this didn't play, I'm pretty sure most of the crowd would revolt.

Blackthorn- Parting Glass Preferably they'd play this live, unfortunately I can't find their version, but I guess having to listen to the Pogues version isn't that bad of a substitute

Mika - Happy Ending
kinda depressing, this is how we clear out the room though, play this and my armed guards start tossing people out the wait staff gets home by 730.

Now, open bar a must, the bartender needs to start a betting pool for how many women thrown themselves on my casket screaming "I've always loved you" or something of the sort before being escorted out by my armed guards. This part is INCREDIBLY important, I have on my laptop a recording of me saying different things, like "Hey kid help me" "I'm not dead" "Let me outta here" this needs to be set behind my casket with a motion sensor, this way when someone walks up to the casket to say their goodbyes they get a little scare!

My Eulogy: Obviously fireworks need to be at the big moments, and I'll leave MOST of this up to the person writing the eulogy, but there are several things that NEED to be included. So Whoever gets to do my eulogy these sentences need to be included

"Kent always said the first to cry at his funeral gets haunted"
"Kent loved all his children, even the ones he didn't know about"

Now cremation is a MUST, not so much because I don't want to be buried, but because I want to go out WITH A BANG............literally. stuff my caskets full of fireworks! there probably won't be enough left of my body to fill the casket anyways, we've gotta take up that space with something.

and finally the kool-aid with warfarin (rat poison) will be handed out to the thousands of people who realize they can't live without me......not saying this is how it WILL go, just how it SHOULD go? what?