Sunday, February 12, 2012

Dark House

Ok here's my REAL question. Should I put in more effort in to a review than the movie makers and actors put in to their product?

Answer is no then my entire review could boil down to "This movie is bad, annoying and should not be watched" even that IS really pushing it.

If the answer is "Yes this is more than just a hobby and you should always be trying so people read what you write" I would have to respond with "No one reads this!" to which I imagine you'd respond "Well shouldn't you have some sort of 'pride' involved with a product you release to the public" to which I'd have to respond "hey, even you've never read my blog!" to which you'd respond "Just put some fucking effort in to your blog!" and I probably trail off and pout a whole bunch but eventually I'd do it because I'm kinda a push over.

So for the people still reading here's my ACTUAL review(my tangents push my reading base from 0 to -5....yes somehow there are -5 people reading this right now)

Have you ever been to a haunted attraction? if you have you know that 1 in 10 haunted attractions are actually haunted and result in the death of several teenagers who are all pretty much douches anyways. I'm getting to a point where I could probably make a "Top 10 Haunted Attractions gone wrong movie" list which strangely would just be my "top 10 worst horror movies" list reprinted. So a group of people go to a haunted house, this haunted house was designed to be state of the art! Holograms with over 100 creepy characters designed by some girl no one cared about! Guess what? This haunted house was in an house where there were actually ghosts! Which the creator believes adds realism to his attraction. HE'S ABSOLUTELY RIGHT! because ghosts take over the projectors and start to kill people! Why wouldn't they? I mean I know when I die I hope to possess projectors and kill people, seems like the first thing I'd do really.

This movie is absolute GARBAGE. There's a scene with a guy in an iron maiden, a projection is threatening to close it so everyone stands around giving the projection a thumbs up hoping he doesn't close the iron maiden.....he does. Please think about this for a second, the IRON MAIDEN killed this guy not the projection, this guy was paid by the guy in charge to go in to that iron maiden, the plan from the beginning was to close how did he die again? Isn't this really the fault of the guy in charge? I mean he put him in to a situation where he was going to DIE! Another thing that bugged me was the mad scientist. When they walk in he says "I've invented a fluid that will replace the scalpel for surgeries!" and he then begins to pour acid on a guy. They refer to it as acid, it acts like invented acid? ok, first acid has been around for EVER, and using it to make an incision? If I keep going I'll get in to chem dork mode and that's not good for anyone. Finally, this is so nitpicky it's awful. "A hologram killed 2 people" is said by one of the characters, at the time 2 different holograms had killed 2 different people and which is nitpicky. The line needed to be "Your hologramssssssssssssss."

Good parts? Erin Cummings has really pretty eyes that's it.

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