It's bad.
like really really bad. It's not the worst movie I've ever seen, in fact I'd say "Little Red Riding Hood" was worse, so not only is it not the worst movie I've ever seen, it's not even the worst movie I've seen in theaters in the MONTH OF MARCH! That being said the fact that I paid money to see a movie with girls in corsets fighting orcs AND FEEL LIKE I DIDN'T GET MY MONEY WORTH says a lot about how bad this movie is. It's a very very pretty movie, and I don't mean like there's girls in corsets as far as stylistically the movie had a lot of fun and interesting visuals. This movie also makes me feel a little betrayed, mainly because I defend Zack Synder as a good director and he made a movie SO BORING THAT GIRLS IN CORSETS COULDN'T HOLD MY INTEREST!?!?!?!?!
The movie starts off and basically you get 2 minutes of slow motion. Emily Browning's nameless character's mom dies, which means her step father is all hot and bothered to rape her and her little sister, so he drops her ass in some sort of insane asylum/brothel. You know the kind they used to have all over the place in the vague time period this movie takes place in. So Brothsylum has a dance instructor and she finds that Emily Browning can really cut a rug. Every time rugs are cut she retreats in to her own special world with robots and monsters. In her first little fantasy she's told she needs some items to escape, to collect these items she dances while other people steal them.....I'm not lying when I say that's awesome, she arrives at some mental home and then tells a bunch of girls to take ALL THE RISK to help her get out of there! Regardless, that's pretty much it. So problems with the movie.
First, since EVERYTHING takes place inside her mind, I didn't feel any real danger to any of the characters, now that's not to say no one gets hurt, but I haven't seen more ridiculous action, 5 girls taking on hordes of nazi's and not even a scratch? really? also, as boring as those scenes were the "real world" scenes were doubly so. If the fantasy scenes were comparable to sticking a tac hammer up your nose, the real world scenes were like ripping it out. boring, got it? got it!
Secondly, the characters were completely meaningless, and interchangeable you could've taken any one of the girls made them the main character and no one would've noticed. three days after seeing this movie, I can't tell you a single character's name except for vanessa hudgens was named blondie and the only reason I know that is because I googled sucker punch grabbed that picture up top and that's what it says at the bottom.
Finally, Zack Synder I've always said gets a bad rap, his movies aren't bad they're just a little irritating because he LOVES the slowmo and the stories aren't ever anything special but he can tell a good character driven story. Basically if I defend you dude, don't let me down to THIS DEGREE! I mean crap I'd rather watch the Ultimate warrior wax his car then see this movie again.
I could go into a longer rant but it's not worth it, this movie is bad and don't waste your time.
3 comments:
I think you forgot a lot of stuff, like the whole dance instructor/brothel was actually layer two of her fantasy. The sometimes looks like Angelia Jolie character was a psychologist. The main characters name was Baby, then there was sweet pea? no, that wasn't it. There was Rocket, Amber...Blondie...i am missing two people i think.
I am usually a huge fan of layering reality with fantasy but only if it is done well. Not 80% slow motion and SUPER REPETITIVE. if i had to watch baby sway drunkenly and close her eyes one more time i think i would screamed.
I did not have high hopes for this movie at all (then again i am not a man), yet i was still somehow disappointed.
with Zack Synder I'm always, AT LEAST entertained. with this I wasn't even entertained I was literally ready for it to be over about 20 minutes in (where we had 2 minutes of actual plot because of the frisking slow mo)
I was so excited for this movie until the reviews started coming in. So disappointing that a movie containing ALL of my fetishes (giant robots, dragons, sexy girls with swords, Jon Hamm) isn't any good. As disappointed as I was, the reviews didn't surprise me. Movies with giant robots always seem to suck. And before you say The Iron Giant, it's the exception that proves the rule.
As for Snyder, the guy is ridiculously ambitious, I'll give him that. He attempted Watchmen and even succeeded on some levels. His slow motion compulsion drives me nuts. He doesn't even use it properly. It's just show-offy nonsense, and never there to underline or emphasize an emotion. I want his Superman movie to be good, but at this point, I'll just be happy to see Superman actually punch something, which I'm sure he will deliver.
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